cant be roses all the time

guess there really is no such thing as perfect.

exasperated, exhausted, a little sad kind of sigh today...but its been like that for about a week now...

when i think about it, my life is pretty good, minus the love life of course (its either non-existent or it just plain sucks). liiiiike...the familys good. the friends are good. my arts&crafts are good. the fit is good. even work is good. its very much that whole, i can count my blessings thing. 

lately though, its like ive exchanged one for the other.

love life is still non-existent, but i am having the worst/best teenagery crush on this guy at the moment. one of those, makes me smile when he says 'hi,' cant think of anything to say when hes around, makes me shy (like i cant talk to him shy...not something usual for me. at all) kind of teenagery crush. ok sorry...back on track...

feels like because i have this typically void kind of happy going on, something else in my arsenal of happy has to give. thankfully its not the family or friends, but its work.

f*ck the sigh, that bullsh*t gets a grrrrrrr today. 

dont get me wrong, work is lame all the time, but i usually handle it better. like once its 5pm, im done. lately...not so much.

migraines, tightness in my chest, bursts of "I HATE THIS PLACE! IM QUITTING" squatting on its haunches right behind my teeth, waiting for that split second i leave my mouth open for a moment too long.

my boss is a super nice guy, but the most disorganized, noncommittal, whats the opposite of a good businessman?, man. ever. one day its red, and the next day its blue. oh! and he thinks im magical and have ESP.

love the staff to death-theyre the nicest, sweetest bunch of people ever...but if i hear "it wasnt me" or "i dont know..i didnt do it" one more time... *sigh makes me feel like im living in that comic strip where the kids blame the little nonexistent child for everything (who, by the way, is named "Wasnt Me" or something like that). and i think they expect me to do too much stuff; everything thinks its my own fault because i do too much, but still...do i look like a walking "in box"??!

you know what i hate about my job the most? it feels like a lot of people there have an "it doesnt affect me, so who cares" attitude. like when i talk to them i can almost see an "oh well" exuding out of their little pores. i know, i know...its only a job, but do you know how horribly, awful it is to get:

"god. we are so disorganized"

"we are disorganized because we need to have a system"

paige: "we have a system. but whats the point of having a system is the people dont work with it"

"its not the people, its the system. YOU need to come up with a better system"

"did you finish yet?"

"its not my fault-i asked you and you said it was fine" (keeping in mind i was probably asked while in the middle of something, half@ss paying attention, they shouldnt be asking me what they can do on their own...)

"you do it" (after ive already stated ive done the best i can do, and i cant do anything more, but the 'job' still isnt done)

oh, and the kicker-my sister says IM making the morale at the office sh*t and since i hate my job so much shes going to tell my boss i quit (yeah. i work with my sister. not one of my boss's brightest ideas). funny thing is-when im stressed out, its stupid and i should quit. when im off and she has to fill in for me it suddenly becomes too hard, too much, and too stressful. um, hello? hypocrite much?

now i know im a perfectionist and a little bit OCD, and i know its not like im moving any higher in the company or i own the dang place, but still...

*sigh sucks to have to vent, but i feel a little better. ehh...not really.

but dang. does one thing always have to get exchanged for another??!